Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Some advice for gorgeous fellow blushers.

You’re out for coffee with a new friend/ a potential romantic partner/ ex-play thing. You are having a witty-intellectual conversation about whatever happens to be ‘in Vogue’ at that particular moment in time and space. All is going well, you are presenting your self beautifully until that dreaded moment when the conversation takes a turn to something that may make you feel a little awkward or embarrassed.

You feel a strange heat radiating from under the collar of your shirt. It starts moving up your neck. Suddenly your ears are burning, then it’s all over red rover. Your face, ears and neck are all shining with the most magnificent blush produced since Jennifer Aniston walked in on Brad and Angelina doing the dirty.

5 Ways to stop your self blushing to the colour of your last period when you’re with people that should be in awe of your coolness.

1. When you feel the ‘red shame’ slowly (or sometimes terrifyingly quickly) rising to embarrassment, think of one really humiliating thing you know about the other person. This will leave you feeling superior and the need to blush will have been extinguished. If blushing is a serious problem for you, try not to leave the house with out this vital information. If you don’t know anything that bad about the person, you obviously don’t know them well enough and therefore shouldn’t care what they think of you, voila! Another bushing moment averted!

2. Blushing is a reaction to a situation that makes you feel awkward and acutely aware of your self. So, if you feel yourself blushing yell loudly, ‘Musical café!’ Grab hold of your coffee-date’s arm and force them to run across to the next café with you. Then exclaim your rapture at the fact you both managed to secure seats and are therefore both winners, a fact that should be celebrated by ordering another coffee. I guarantee that you will no longer be the one blushing.

3. Blushing isn’t embarrassing or awkward when the other person can’t see you. So I suggest you throw something liquid and hot at said coffee-date’s eyes. Nothing like a bit of scalding to take the focus away from your uncomfortable blush.

4. Fire! Oh my God! There’s a FIRE!!!!! What do you mean where? Under your seat you fool! Holy Calamity! Run!

5. If it’s too late and your blush is so pronounced that it’s impossible to do anything to distract your coffee-date from the heat radiating from your face, I suggest that you swear vigorously and explain that the coffee you are drinking must have preservative ‘B-lush:1000’ and that if you don’t get home and inject your adrenaline right this minute you’ll fall in a heap and possibly die. When all else fails, flat out lie about it.


Anonymous said...

As a fellow blusher and frequent drinker of coffee, thanks for the extremely great tips Jaimie!!

Clancy said...

oh large amounts of lol