Manlaces: Just Say No!

"Oh Nonna! Why didn't you tell me that ladies laugh cruelly at a blinged up man!"

Goodness gracious! All this posting about modern literature is making me feel a little like we should be re-naming our place in interspace as “Number One Intellect”. But don’t worry, dear readers. You can trust me to bring us down a few levels. Today I am going to raise your awareness to an emerging and very serious problem facing young men; manlaces.

The other night I was happily sitting outside at Transit Bar after seeing a very average Vampire Weekend-esk rip off band, when my poor pretty eyes were violated. First there were scantily dressed, drunk, teenagers groping each other and speaking a little too loudly about what they would like to do to the other on my table, then there was the invasion of men wearing necklaces. I counted approximately eight mother flipping manlaces.

Oh god! Why?

Ryan, my first TV love, you look like a douche bag.

My dear friend Nathan pointed out that this invasion has been taking place over the last few months. Common characteristics of a man likely to develop a problem with manlaces include; tight skinny black jeans, a 'well groomed' mini-mullet, two shirts (a plain coloured shirt worn underneath a buttoned up shirt so that just a little bit of the under shirt can be seen; don't even get me started on how much i hate that look. Dan from Neighbours, I'm scowling at you...) and surprisingly, very nice shoes.

Here's an example of how manlaces can fuck you over. Chad Michael Murray; hottest of the hot to, well...

Mmm, so hot!

I don't know what to say.

The men I've noticed wearing manlaces all seem to look kind of smug. Like they're thinking, "Oh yeah, you're checking me out 'cause this manlace shows that I'm hot shit AND comfortable with my sexuality". Oh how wrong you are little boy, your face gives me nightmares.

King of the douches, complete with manlace.

I know quite a few of you gorgeous specimens of the male race who read our blog already wear skinny, black jeans. I've a not so secret soft spot for men in tight jeans, so yay you! And nice shoes up your stock by at least 20%. But beware! If you notice that you start to want to button up that second shirt you're wearing, or you start to think mini-mullets aren't that bad... BAM! You'll be wearing a manlace and I will have to smack you down.

Summer Reading List

I love making lists. Who doesn't love making lists? I love making overly ambitious, lengthy lists just so I can fantasize about the delicious feeling of smugness I'd be overcome with if I could tick even half of the tick boxes hand drawn next to every item on my list. The lovely thing about lists, though, is that just writing them down feels like an achievement; a declaration of intent.

Thus, here is my achievement of today, a picture of all the books I'd like to read this summer:


From top to bottom:

James Joyce - Portrait of the Artist as Young Man. Me Mam's favourite book. Figured I'd better indulge her. Plus visions of grey Dublin might keep me cool in the oppressive summer heat. Maybe?

Kurt Vonnegut - Slaughterhouse Five. One of me Da's favourite books, apparently. He was way progressive.

Nick Cave - And the Ass Saw the Angel. Bought this after seeing the very wonderful Nick Cave exhibition at the National Library. I'm a big fan of his music, and he's an amazing lyricist, so it follows that this should be good, right? Plus, not just anything gets defined as a Penguin modern classic. I also really want to read his new book The Death of Bunny Munroe. It pretty much has the best premise ever.

Salman Rushdie - Midnight's Children. I loved Shalmilar the Clown. Loved it. But have been too scared off reading this book by others who've attempted it. Still, it's the Booker of Bookers. I think I can handle it. Magical realism is also my new favourite genre.

Helen Garner - The Children's Bach. For my 'Australian' themed book club rotation. I thought Monkey Grip was brilliant and gritty and beautiful, and this has far more universal acclaim and is exquisitely short.

Murakami - Dance Dance Dance and Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World. I went on a bit of a Murakami binge a few years back before I went to Japan, but never got round to reading these two. After Vanessa's last post I figured I aught to give them a go.

Richard Yates - Revolutionary Road. I talk about this as if I've read it, making references to my life, to 'buying into the lie', etc. But I haven't. I haven't even seen the movie. Probably should do something about that.

Gerald Durrel - The Talking Package. He's pretty much the most delightful writer of all time, and after the aforementioned, I might be in need of some delight.

Andrew McGahan - Wonders of a Godless World. Also for the Australian book club rotation. Am reading this at the moment. It's pretty unlike anything I've read before, almost like a fantasy book for children in its simplistic use of language but much much darker. Intriguing.

Not even pictured is Julia Child's My Life in Paris (sounds like the perfect holiday reading, no?) and Oscar and Lucinda by Peter Carey, also for book club.

What's on your list, poppets?

Perfection

A perfect summer* evening ~ drinking a gin & tonic, sitting outside in the garden, reading a good book.

* I realise it is still technically Spring, but the weather tells me otherwise!

Rare but inexpensive

On Friday I went on a rare but expensive magazine splurge. I was about to go on a rare but expensive weekend getaway splurge, and figured that since I was going swimming, I might as well get well wet. And wet I got. In one of my purchases - the very pretty Fallen - I discovered an article about two Australian peeps who make artisan, semi uni-sex leather shoes and boots and sell them for apparently inexpensive prices (although I'm not sure how exactly such a lush magazine defines inexpensive. Any bids?)


They are called Illex Kinni, and they make me want to frolic in a mossy pine forrest wearing a flawless pair of black leather shoes.



Illex Kinni shoes can be found at Fat4 stores in Melbourne. Please save some for us poor isolated Canberra girls!

Post script: You can read about my rare but expensive weekend getaway splurge over at my new blog - Quincey.

Defenestration

Le Saut dans le Vide (Leap into the Void) by Harry Shunk

Defenestration is the act of throwing one self or being pushed from a height, usually out of a window. I'm seriously considering it. I'd be able to get some type of extension for my uni assignment, right?

At the moment defenestration as a concept has a certain romantic appeal to me. I'm still to determine whether it's because of Harry Shunk's amazing photo of Yves Klein, or whether it's because I see it as a form of escapism.

I do, however, know one thing...






I would totally jump out of a window for you sir!

Agghhh! He's soooooooo attractive!

Jaimie and Vanessa: Spotlight on Metal People

A sample group

V: Dude, why is it that metal people are so weird?

J: I know right? They all look so strange. How is their hair even possible? So much hair.

V: They're very neanderthalish aren't they? It's so weird because then when they speak, they sound really sweet.

J: That's true. Sometimes they kind of sound smart too. So strange.

V: Mmm and they're always big, and by big I mean kind of fat.

J: Except for the weird skinny tattooed ones. I think they might have hepatitis A.

V: That's a bit nasty Jaimie, I thought we decided they were nice people. Big burly men with hearts of gold.

J: Oh that's right! We did.

Zines! Zines! Zines!

Buckle up Canberra zine lovers, Little Beats Zine distro is launching! Tomorrow!
Little Beats is the brainchild of two delightful Canberra girls (Katy & Gemma) who love zines and want you to love them too.

At the launch there will be a bunch of zines (about 30!) from overseas and interstate, as well as works by talented local zinesters. Prices range from FREE (totally my favourite price) to approximately $35, but when you are purchasing a handmade masterpiece price hardly matters. There is a huge variety and I think everyone will find something to float their boat.

The very charming and helpful Katy has provided me with a bit of a run down of some of her favourites from the zines available. So now I plagiarise her writing to give you all a bit of a sneaky peek, so to speak. What lucky readers we have!

Wooooo Mag ~
From NY, printed and bound like a novel. Interviews with musicians, artists etc. Really crazy style of writing, incredibly funny.

Lines on Paper ~
Collected images from artists all over Australia and put together in a pretty little A6 bound book. It's the dream thing you could find in your pocket really.

Love is my Velocity Cookbook ~
From the Love is my Velocity collective in Perth, this is the second edition of their cook book. All recipes are from Perth bands and all accompanying artwork is from Perth artists. There's over 40 recipe cards in the book and it's amazing.

Mashanda zines ~
These are from San Francisco and are easily two of my favourites. You, Sir are a Hottie, is teeny tiny and looks at all the babes in an encylopaedia. Guys I would Totally Date is the other from her, and it's all sketched images of some of the funniest but commonly seen men on the streets.

Dilettantes and the Heartless Manipulator ~
Spurzine in Melbourne got a PO box and started getting strangers to send him mix tapes. He writes his "non-reviews" fortnightly and they'll be restocked regularly. He's pretty brilliant actually. TOTALLY FREE.

Elkedearest ~
There are three editions from Elke, Everything's okay I drew this for you, I'll hand it to you and Pictures of people we have not yet learned to look at. She's from Canberra, they're teeny tiny but hold some incredible artwork inside them and are only $1 each.

Little Beats launches tomorrow at Grass Stains 2, at itrip iskip. As well as zines there will be bands, art and fashion and hipster kids. Should be a lot of fun. It all starts at 6pm. Maybe I'll see you there?

Little Beats will also have a permanent selection from now on at itrip iskip and Smith's Alternative Bookstore. You can also find them here.

Poster designed by the very talented George.
All other images from Little Beats.