Monday, July 4, 2011

Mad Crush Monday: A Lesson

I'm sick at the moment. I know what you're thinking, "Whinge some more Jaimie! You didn't do enough in your last post". But hold up! Give a lady a chance, I'm setting the scene.

So as I was saying, I'm sick at the moment. This means I feel entitled to read love stories, eat trash and watch A LOT of television all in the name of illness eradication. This round of highly reputable, Jaimie specific treatment has raised my attention to TWO mad crushes and ONE MAJOR GRIPE!!!!

Let's start with this week's man (heh, men) of my dreams:

1) Theodore Laurence the III (aka, Laurie, Teddy and 'my boy') from the book Little Women, which I am currently re-reading in accordance with my treatment plan; section 1) read love stories.

Oh Laurie, fire of my loins! Now, to be honest, I didn't imagine you quite like Christian Bale, but dear God young man! You'll do!

Let me list the things I love about you Theodore;

  • You are a gentlemanly rogue (Vanessa and I have spoken about our love for this type before), only you're more of a gentleman than a rogue, but enough of a rogue to be hella attractive

  • Laurie my darling, you know how to flirt! You send flowers and chocolates and dresses, you take your lovers on long walks and make comments like "It won't do you a bit of good, Jo. My eye is on you; so watch what you do, or I'll come and bring you home". Oh swoon! A man who takes charge and knows what he wants

  • You are charming; both with words and looks

  • You are a man of means; myself and our beautiful offspring will be very comfortable in your gigantic estate

  • You are a genuinely nice chap; a handsome, college educated man with morals?! Oh I rest my case, aren't you in love with him now too?

2) Josh Lyman from the West Wing (a show which incidentally has magical healing properties)

Best photo ever?

I found a direct correlation with feelings of happiness and the theme music to the West Wing when recovering from my surgery a few months ago. What did this lead to? Me watching six and a half seasons of the West Wing since mid April. Do the math people. I'm amazed I don't have bed sores.

Josh Lyman is no Sam Seaborn. But my goodness he has true grit. Let's explore:

  • Starting with the basics; Josh Lyman isn't afraid to stand up and fight for what he believes in. This will usually involve yelling. I like my men to be loud

  • He has a smile what makes you question whether he's feeling warm towards you, or simply making fun of you for not possessing his amazing political mind. Teasing can be an endearing version of foreplay

  • He knows politics; for someone like me who pretends to be watching Q & A, when they are actually dreaming about fictitious dream boats, this quality is very attractive

  • He has a receding hair line; "what?!" I see you all gasp. I've discovered I seem to have matured from boys in black skinny jeans to men with receding hair lines. It has been speculated that baldness is an evolutionary event that signifies maturity and conveys greater authority on affected men. And heaven forbid if my man has better hair than I do. Seeing as how I'm all mature and shit now, it makes sense that I'd be more attracted to authoritative men, then mopey boys in testicle crushing jeans

So, time for my serious gripes:

1) Laurie is in love with Jo March for AGES and when he finally confesses his undying love Jo tells him that she only loves him as a friend. Well, based on the above argument Jo is clearly insane, but does Laurie shake it off and find another well deserving lass? NO! HE MARRIES HER SISTER!!!!!!!! God damn it!!!!!!

2) Now, keeping in mind that I'm only midway through season six: we've established that Josh Lyman is a go getter and a very suitable candidate as a number 1 love interest. Donna Moss has been in love with Josh since season 1 and Josh CLEARLY has had feelings for her for sometime. Hello, flying to Germany after the whole Gaza Strip business!?! WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD HER YOU LOVE HER YET? It's driving me CRAZY! I start each episode this season with "Okay West Wing, Donna and Josh are going to get together this episode, bring it!", and then no. They never do! And I'm left going, "Okay, one more episode because Donna and Josh are going to get together THIS episode". See?!?! Crazy!!!!!!

So my gripe is this: Mad Crush Monday's of past and future; for the love of all things good and proper, be assertive.

You stop being hot when you become a pussy.


1 comment:

Jaimie said...

Oh my god. I just finished season 6. THEY'RE STILL NOT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!