Sunday, November 22, 2009

Manlaces: Just Say No!

"Oh Nonna! Why didn't you tell me that ladies laugh cruelly at a blinged up man!"

Goodness gracious! All this posting about modern literature is making me feel a little like we should be re-naming our place in interspace as “Number One Intellect”. But don’t worry, dear readers. You can trust me to bring us down a few levels. Today I am going to raise your awareness to an emerging and very serious problem facing young men; manlaces.

The other night I was happily sitting outside at Transit Bar after seeing a very average Vampire Weekend-esk rip off band, when my poor pretty eyes were violated. First there were scantily dressed, drunk, teenagers groping each other and speaking a little too loudly about what they would like to do to the other on my table, then there was the invasion of men wearing necklaces. I counted approximately eight mother flipping manlaces.

Oh god! Why?

Ryan, my first TV love, you look like a douche bag.

My dear friend Nathan pointed out that this invasion has been taking place over the last few months. Common characteristics of a man likely to develop a problem with manlaces include; tight skinny black jeans, a 'well groomed' mini-mullet, two shirts (a plain coloured shirt worn underneath a buttoned up shirt so that just a little bit of the under shirt can be seen; don't even get me started on how much i hate that look. Dan from Neighbours, I'm scowling at you...) and surprisingly, very nice shoes.

Here's an example of how manlaces can fuck you over. Chad Michael Murray; hottest of the hot to, well...

Mmm, so hot!

I don't know what to say.

The men I've noticed wearing manlaces all seem to look kind of smug. Like they're thinking, "Oh yeah, you're checking me out 'cause this manlace shows that I'm hot shit AND comfortable with my sexuality". Oh how wrong you are little boy, your face gives me nightmares.

King of the douches, complete with manlace.

I know quite a few of you gorgeous specimens of the male race who read our blog already wear skinny, black jeans. I've a not so secret soft spot for men in tight jeans, so yay you! And nice shoes up your stock by at least 20%. But beware! If you notice that you start to want to button up that second shirt you're wearing, or you start to think mini-mullets aren't that bad... BAM! You'll be wearing a manlace and I will have to smack you down.


bee said...

We must all have the courage to speak out against manlaces. It takes eternal vigilance.

Anonymous said...

hahaha I loved this post, so funny. It IS a disturbing trend, though I haven't noticed it's rise in popularity. Now I'm aware I'll probably see them everywhere. I think the worst manlace, apart from Leyton Hewitts would be those really tight 'choker' type coral necklaces. tragic.

Julia said...

Oh my, how have I been so selfish and lazy as to read books when there is a virtual pandemic of laces tainting the throats of men everywhere?

Jaimie said...

My thoughts exactly Julia my love. I'm glad our army of man-ry haters is growing.

Death to manlaces!

And two coat hangers, the 'choker' type is my number one most hated manlace. I couldn't find any pictures of them. But i'm super glad you agree.