Mad Crush Monday: A Lesson

I'm sick at the moment. I know what you're thinking, "Whinge some more Jaimie! You didn't do enough in your last post". But hold up! Give a lady a chance, I'm setting the scene.

So as I was saying, I'm sick at the moment. This means I feel entitled to read love stories, eat trash and watch A LOT of television all in the name of illness eradication. This round of highly reputable, Jaimie specific treatment has raised my attention to TWO mad crushes and ONE MAJOR GRIPE!!!!

Let's start with this week's man (heh, men) of my dreams:

1) Theodore Laurence the III (aka, Laurie, Teddy and 'my boy') from the book Little Women, which I am currently re-reading in accordance with my treatment plan; section 1) read love stories.

Oh Laurie, fire of my loins! Now, to be honest, I didn't imagine you quite like Christian Bale, but dear God young man! You'll do!

Let me list the things I love about you Theodore;

• You are a gentlemanly rogue (Vanessa and I have spoken about our love for this type before), only you're more of a gentleman than a rogue, but enough of a rogue to be hella attractive


• Laurie my darling, you know how to flirt! You send flowers and chocolates and dresses, you take your lovers on long walks and make comments like "It won't do you a bit of good, Jo. My eye is on you; so watch what you do, or I'll come and bring you home". Oh swoon! A man who takes charge and knows what he wants


• You are charming; both with words and looks


• You are a man of means; myself and our beautiful offspring will be very comfortable in your gigantic estate


• You are a genuinely nice chap; a handsome, college educated man with morals?! Oh I rest my case, aren't you in love with him now too?

2) Josh Lyman from the West Wing (a show which incidentally has magical healing properties)

Best photo ever?

I found a direct correlation with feelings of happiness and the theme music to the West Wing when recovering from my surgery a few months ago. What did this lead to? Me watching six and a half seasons of the West Wing since mid April. Do the math people. I'm amazed I don't have bed sores.

Josh Lyman is no Sam Seaborn. But my goodness he has true grit. Let's explore:

• Starting with the basics; Josh Lyman isn't afraid to stand up and fight for what he believes in. This will usually involve yelling. I like my men to be loud


• He has a smile what makes you question whether he's feeling warm towards you, or simply making fun of you for not possessing his amazing political mind. Teasing can be an endearing version of foreplay


• He knows politics; for someone like me who pretends to be watching Q & A, when they are actually dreaming about fictitious dream boats, this quality is very attractive


• He has a receding hair line; "what?!" I see you all gasp. I've discovered I seem to have matured from boys in black skinny jeans to men with receding hair lines. It has been speculated that baldness is an evolutionary event that signifies maturity and conveys greater authority on affected men. And heaven forbid if my man has better hair than I do. Seeing as how I'm all mature and shit now, it makes sense that I'd be more attracted to authoritative men, then mopey boys in testicle crushing jeans
  

So, time for my serious gripes:

1) Laurie is in love with Jo March for AGES and when he finally confesses his undying love Jo tells him that she only loves him as a friend. Well, based on the above argument Jo is clearly insane, but does Laurie shake it off and find another well deserving lass? NO! HE MARRIES HER SISTER!!!!!!!! God damn it!!!!!!

2) Now, keeping in mind that I'm only midway through season six: we've established that Josh Lyman is a go getter and a very suitable candidate as a number 1 love interest. Donna Moss has been in love with Josh since season 1 and Josh CLEARLY has had feelings for her for sometime. Hello, flying to Germany after the whole Gaza Strip business!?! WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD HER YOU LOVE HER YET? It's driving me CRAZY! I start each episode this season with "Okay West Wing, Donna and Josh are going to get together this episode, bring it!", and then no. They never do! And I'm left going, "Okay, one more episode because Donna and Josh are going to get together THIS episode". See?!?! Crazy!!!!!!

So my gripe is this: Mad Crush Monday's of past and future; for the love of all things good and proper, be assertive.

You stop being hot when you become a pussy.

Xx

Mad Crush Monday: Noel Fielding

I've been meaning to write about how my friends and I have just rediscovered the Mighty Boosh and then I found this...

...and I had an argument with myself about whether it was any good.

I was all:

"This is brilliant! Hang on. No, this is weird and messed up. No Jaimie, it's genius! Did you see that cartwheel?! Pfft, I can do cartwheels. No Jaimie, you're a cripple and don't have a functioning left arm, remember? Oh yeah. In a weird kind of way, Noel Fielding is a babe. Agreed."

Ergo, Mad Crush Monday.

Mad Crush Monday: Polly Jean Harvey

I'm confused about a great deal of things at the moment. A great deal of things. But one thing I am sure about is my love for Polly Jean Harvey. Hot damn, the lady is an uber babe.

Fuck me Polly Jean, you're a babe

Her new album Let England Shake is stunning. Lucky for me it's one of those albums that has found me at a perfect time in my life. It fits in well with late nights, moments of nostalgia and the slip from summer into the cooler weather months.




So, for being so damned attractive, talented, and for being one of the few things I can be completely sure about in my life, Polly Jean, you are my Mad Crush Monday.

At the moment these are my three favourites;

MP3 The Glorious Land
MP3 The Words That Maketh Murder
MP3 On Battleship Hill


On a similar note, happy Canberra Day Canberrians. I think we live in a beautiful city, amongst wonderful, creative people. Julia Millionaire, I'm glad we had you home this weekend. So very glad. Xx

Mad crush monday: men in well fitted suits

Dear men of the world,

If you want to impress a love interest, an enemy, a frenemy, the other side of a blossoming bromance, or you simply feel like looking dashing, my advice to you is to wear a well fitted suit. Why? Because men in suits are fucking hot.

I’ve recently started working in the office of a very high profile NGO. While it’s a little boring compared to the work I was doing, I get to dress up each day pretending I'm some type of gargantuan glamazon, and perv on cute boys donning suits. My penchant for men in suits has led me to having a mad crush on most men in the Canberra CBD.

Mm, humm you are destined for greatness young man.

However, I should clarify. Not all suits are created equal. How well a suit fits corresponds to my degree of man-crush. Ill fitting suits can make men look clumsy and portray the image of holding positions of little to no consequence in an organisation. As a woman (albeit a fiercely independent one) my bio-evolutionary trait to secure a man able to provide and protect remains strong. Men in well fitted suits provide the psychological sign that they could be in a position of power, or at least have aspirations for such. Ergo, this explains an evolutionary psychology perspective of why men in well fitted suits are attractive, and why you as a male should probably wear one.

Please, let me provide you with some evidence for my case.

Nice suit: cue to beliefs of a strong, powerful man.

He's going places (probably to kill and protect) and would provide excellent genetic material for our future super child.

Who is this handsome stranger who has never appeared on our blog before?

His suit is like a handsome power force-field.

OMG that force-field has some type of magnetic pulling power!

I can't stop looking up images of Charles Bartholomew!!



"Why yes it does Jaimie. I'm irresistible to you because my well fitting suits indicate that I have power, money, intelligence and possibly my own masseuse."




"I'm going to lean up against this wall and look pensive to demonstrate my point further."

Well that post went down hill quickly. You win this round Ed Westwick.

Xoxo

Mad Crush Monday: E.E Cummings

I like my body when it is with your

Mmmm, I rest my case.

Mad Crush Monday: Men who look like Jesus

Bearded men who sing? Fuck yeah!

So, I was out with my friends the other night when a friend of mine pointed out a potential love interest. He was all, "Hey J-Dizzle, check it out, it's your ultimate man! He looks just like Jesus!". It was then explained to me that over the past few months my penchant for bearded men with hair of moderate length has grown exponentially, resulting in, apparently, an obsession with men who look like Jesus.

Okay, so maybe I've got a new "type". I guess it was time I graduated away from liking skinny, prepubescent boys in tight jeans, but I'm not sure I'm cool with my new found hair lust.

Jake Gyllenhaal? Fuck yeah!

Skarsgard? FUCK YEAH!

SYLAR!? FUCK YEAH!

Then again, really, it could be a lot worse.

What about you chickas? How are we feeling about men with beards? Is my hair lust gross, or on trend? Seriously, I'm a little confused about how my hair lust has developed...

Mad Crush Monday: Meat Loaf (would do anything for love)

Ha ha, Meat Loaf, not meat loaf.

Girl:
Will you raise me up?
Will you help me down?
Will you get me right out if this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!

Girl:
Will you hold me sacred?
Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?

Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!

Girl:
Will you make me some magic
With your own two hands?
Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?

Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!

Girl:
Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water--if I get to hot--?
Will ya take me to places I've never known?

Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!

Girl:
After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude
And a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on

Boy:
I won't do that!
I won't do that!

I would do anything for love, but I (probably) won't tap that.

Meat Loaf would do anything for love. He'd run right into hell and back, he would do anything for love. He'd never lie to me and that's a fact.

Ergo, Meat Loaf wins this week's MAD CRUSH MONDAY!

Oh you pretty things!

Short Stop being a bad ass jammer

As you probably know, I entered into the wonderful world of roller derby about six months ago. I adore it. It really is the greatest sport ever. Anyway, it was rolling along smashingly (heh, see what I did there?) until I twisted my ankle, put my skates back on too early and then dislocated my shoulder. Now I'm off skates for an unspecified amount of time, which unless you are also a derby all star, you can have no idea of the depression that I am currently experiencing.

Tuesday is a big training night in the world of Canberra Roller Derby League, so I thought it might be a good time to share with you some pretty pictures by an awesome lady, who I have a huge style crush on.

Posie La Threat, aka Beata English, aka Beez Images and Designs, took some amazing shots of Canberra's rep team Vice City Rollers this last weekend at the East Coast Smack Down. Go to her site and have a look. She's very talented and her blog is delightful. She specialises in child photography, and my goodness, she has captured some glorious little people.

Yep, you may have noticed that there is no Mad Crush Monday this week. That's because I've taken up podophilla.

Oh yes, bitch bought her self a pair of Melissa shoes by Vivienne Westwood!

Not really. But my new shoes are prettier than all my Mad Crush Monday potential candidates combined.

Sorry boys, this week you don't even come close.

Stay tuned for next week though when REAL LIFE MAD CRUSH MONDAY begins. CAN YOU TELL I'M EXCITED?! Keep sending me your photos and your stories!

Xoxo

Cindy Clawford

(aka Jaimie).

Mad Crush Monday: a history lesson with Phillip Oakey

I'm pretty sure the reason I love the video for "Together in Electric Dreams" so much, has a little something to do with the irrepressible sexual power of Phil Oakey. Oh my God, DREAM BOAT!

"One day all hair will be cut this way."

Wiki tells me that "Oakey was inspired to adopt a strange lopsided geometric hairstyle, shoulder length on one side and short on the other. As the Human League increased in prominence the hairstyle would became Oakey’s trademark. Between 1978-1979 with his unique hairstyle he maintained a masculine dress style and at one time wore a full beard." Mmm, beard.

Human League - Human

Phillip is still singing for the Human League. He lives in an apartment in Sheffield with his girlfriend. He contributed to the Pet Shop Boy's new album, which increases his awesomeness 10 fold.

If I could take anyone to my 80's prom, Mr. Oakey, it would be you. You win this week's Mad Crush Monday!

Mad Crush Monday: Cute boys. Period.

Paul, high school.

Ah, Mad Crush Monday. So many potentials, so much fun. Thank you for your suggestions lovely ladies. I was trying to find a way to incorporate all of your excellent suggestions, but then I found this great blog (aptly named Cute Boys Make Me Nervous) that sums what this weekly segment is all about: cute boys.

Eric, Arizona

Man, I love cute boys. Check it out. It's pretty fun. Actually, you know what, if you have pictures of cute boys, handsome men or general Mad Crush Monday mania, maybe you should send me their pictures. YES! Once a month I'll do a post on REAL MAD CRUSH MONDAYS!!!! Oh! It's going to be brilliant! Send photo's to numberonemillionaire@gmail.com. I'll take photo's when I'm out and about too. This is going to be so much fun.

PS- I'll also give points for cute boy photo related alliteration. Now that would be a fun overload!

Mad Crush Monday: A Bruce Willis Story

Yes thank you Bruce, I will have one ticket to the gun show

Approximately thirteen years ago I fell in love with a buff, buff man who promised to save me and the world. It may have been a little Freudian, but whateves, right?

You can count on me to be the last one standing Bruce.

I imagine Bruce to be a man of few words. Which is good. I think men talk too much these days. He communicates by blowing shit up. That's the sign of a real man.

When we meet, he'll be all, "I know this is a big decision, and I've thought hard about it. But Jaimie, I'm fairly sure that I'm meant to protect you via the magical bond that is romance."

Not. He'd be all yippee-ki-yay mother fucker, then ravage me. Hells yeah.

We'd got to all sorts of sweet gigs together.

And make really cute kids.

Bruce Willis, you are my Mad Crush Monday for lyfe.

Who's your Mad Crush Monday? Maybe I'll pinch him for next week.

Mad Crush Monday: Tommy Lee Jones

I had a dream about Tommy Lee Jones last week. We met on a cowboys tour of west America in which we go to towns where famous western movies were shot, and play with real guns. I'm not sure if such tours exist, let's hope they do.

So, I was strolling along after gunning down all ten target people (in the dream the cut out target people could walk, cool huh?) and he came up to me and initiated conversation.

He complimented me on my excellent shooting skills and informed me of my radiant youthful beauty. I was pretty taken aback that he of all people was talking to me, let alone telling me that I was beautiful, but fear not. I played it cool. One thing led to another and before sunset he was declaring his undying love and devotion to me. Before we boarded our tour bus to go back to our hotel he proposed marriage. I accepted.

Then sadly, I awoke. It was a flipping sweet dream.

So dependable. Such a handsome cowboy.

Cowboys are fucking hot.

So knowledgeable. He's bursting with life experience.

The next day I happily trotted around thinking of Tommy Lee Jones. It was particularly strange as I hadn't seen anything with him in it since seeing No Country at the cinema. Never before have I found him attractive and the jury was still out until that evening when fate came a knocking. My housemate Nick (hi Nick!) decided to watch the Fugitive, a movie I'd never seen before. I'd told no one about my new love and then BAM! Done deal. Mad Crush Monday goes to Tommy Lee Jones.

He makes a babein' police officer.

He's just generally babein'.

Marry me for real?