LATFH

Somebody once called me a hipster. My reply was, "fuck you, I am not!"

My mistake. According to this video, I am in fact a hipster.

Thanks to the ever lovely Jenni for showing this to me

But I would rather be a ninja. Check those sweet window moves.

Joj Hurrison

This made me laugh more than what is probably deemed appropriate.

From Meepmeepmeep

Happy hump day Millionaires.

xx

Cute Boys With Cats

I was doing my usual procrastination thing this evening of face-stalking anyone and everyone, when my exploits lead me to this diamond in the rough (in the rough, in the rough.... anyone get that Aladdin reference? No?).

Cute Boys With Cats is a Tumblr put together by some kind of genius who decided that "there is a serious shortage of pictures of cute boys with cats".

Agreed. And you genius lady, have made my week.

Oh my, this one has named his cat Pushkin! HE'S SO DREAMY!!!

An Ode to Lost Loves

Dear Tyler from that L.A youth hostel,

I'm sorry I didn't find you before I went to Hawaii. You were my saviour. I was embarrassed. I hope you become a successful musician. Maybe you will write a song about me and your new love for cute Australian girls. You were lovely.

........

Dear Sigur Ros boy,

I wish I'd had enough courage to come and get that bootleg from you. You were adorable.

........

Dear Russian/ hot hair boy,

Red pants was a mistake. I still think you're cute.

........

Dear Strokes boy,

*Sigh* I miss you. You were a charming fantasy.

........

Dear Summer,

Fuck you for leaving me. I refuse to take Winter as a lover.

........

Dear amazing man in Tak Kee at Dickson tonight,

You walked in all amazing looking, smiled at me and then sat down to eat by yourself, content with your ipod for company. You are amazing. You practically winded me with your perfection. From that look you gave me, I think we both know where this is heading.

I'll give you a whole lot of whoop-ass...

I have a bit of a ritual when I get home from work. 1) Relieve my self. 2) Take of my shoes and wiggle my toes. 3) Check my email. 4) Stalk people on Facebook. Today I got to stage 3 of my usual 4 phased afternoon plan, when I became so enraged I skipped stage 4 to go to the gym and beat up invisible people (aka, body combat).

What initiated this afternoon rage blackout? I'm glad you asked dear readers. It was an advertising email. The title read;

"Sounds like love. Give iPod this Valentine's Day."

No! Fuck you Apple!

Since when has Valentine's day been this commercial? "Hey hun, I'm pretty sure you love me, but I can't really be sure until you buy me a car..." That's what it'll come to you know. Ugh. What's wrong with surprise flowers? Or a romantic dinner? Oooh! What about a nice picnic? You could drink champagne AND enjoy a nice view. Mm, champagne.

This easily could have turned into a bitter rant, but no, I'm a better person than that (today anyway). Instead, I make all you lovely ladies (but mostly handsome gentlemen) this small plea; if you are thinking about doing something charming for your love interest this Valentine's day, choose romance, not ipod.


MP3: Lewis Takes Off His Shirt- Owen Pallett

(You could also make them an old fashioned love mix. I think that would be my Valentine's wish, just so you know handsome stranger. Oh, I'd like some roses too please.)

Jaimie & Vanessa: Spotlight on Gentlemanly Rogues

V: Ohh, that's good.
J: Mmm, that is good.

J: Hey Vanessa, I really like boys.

V: Yeah. I know. Me too...

J: Maybe we're boy crazy?

V: Probably.

J: I think about boys in tight jeans a lot.

V: Mmm, tight jeans are the best. But I also like tailored pants.

J: Like some kind of "gentleman" would wear?

V: Precisely.

J: Like Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind? Mmm, he's so fine.

V: Totally. Though he's a bit of a rogue.

J: Oh, he's a gentlemanly rogue!*

V: Ooo, I like that.

J: Yeah. They're like polite, charming, good-lookin' man whores.

V: Like James Bond? Or Eric from True Blood?

J: Mmm, or Mal from Firefly.

V: Awesome, space cowboy!

V: Yeah...I would have preferred one with a gun.
J: Oh Ness, he has a gun...

V: Where's Eric's photo?
J: Ness, I've posted a picture of Eric before.
V: But he's so hot he deserves more pictures. MORE ERIC.

J: Oh my god! BRUCE WILLIS!!!!!

V: Dude, what is your obsession with Bruce Willis?

J: Nicholas Cage...?

V: .....

J: Come on!
V: ...

J: Fine Vanessa. They're just flimsy crushes, I really want to marry Chuck Bass and his tailored pants.

V: You're not Blair, Jaimie.
J: Serena...?

V: Back on the bandwagon girlfriend. My dreamboat has to be Daniel Desario from Freaks and Geeks. So much love. Mmm, tight pants.

J: No pants.

V: Pants are for geeks.

J: You're a freak.

V: Look.At.Him.
J: I bet he caught it himself.
V: Totally. What a rogue.

*BAM! That's the title of our post!

Manlaces: Just Say No!

"Oh Nonna! Why didn't you tell me that ladies laugh cruelly at a blinged up man!"

Goodness gracious! All this posting about modern literature is making me feel a little like we should be re-naming our place in interspace as “Number One Intellect”. But don’t worry, dear readers. You can trust me to bring us down a few levels. Today I am going to raise your awareness to an emerging and very serious problem facing young men; manlaces.

The other night I was happily sitting outside at Transit Bar after seeing a very average Vampire Weekend-esk rip off band, when my poor pretty eyes were violated. First there were scantily dressed, drunk, teenagers groping each other and speaking a little too loudly about what they would like to do to the other on my table, then there was the invasion of men wearing necklaces. I counted approximately eight mother flipping manlaces.

Oh god! Why?

Ryan, my first TV love, you look like a douche bag.

My dear friend Nathan pointed out that this invasion has been taking place over the last few months. Common characteristics of a man likely to develop a problem with manlaces include; tight skinny black jeans, a 'well groomed' mini-mullet, two shirts (a plain coloured shirt worn underneath a buttoned up shirt so that just a little bit of the under shirt can be seen; don't even get me started on how much i hate that look. Dan from Neighbours, I'm scowling at you...) and surprisingly, very nice shoes.

Here's an example of how manlaces can fuck you over. Chad Michael Murray; hottest of the hot to, well...

Mmm, so hot!

I don't know what to say.

The men I've noticed wearing manlaces all seem to look kind of smug. Like they're thinking, "Oh yeah, you're checking me out 'cause this manlace shows that I'm hot shit AND comfortable with my sexuality". Oh how wrong you are little boy, your face gives me nightmares.

King of the douches, complete with manlace.

I know quite a few of you gorgeous specimens of the male race who read our blog already wear skinny, black jeans. I've a not so secret soft spot for men in tight jeans, so yay you! And nice shoes up your stock by at least 20%. But beware! If you notice that you start to want to button up that second shirt you're wearing, or you start to think mini-mullets aren't that bad... BAM! You'll be wearing a manlace and I will have to smack you down.

Jaimie and Vanessa: Spotlight on Metal People

A sample group

V: Dude, why is it that metal people are so weird?

J: I know right? They all look so strange. How is their hair even possible? So much hair.

V: They're very neanderthalish aren't they? It's so weird because then when they speak, they sound really sweet.

J: That's true. Sometimes they kind of sound smart too. So strange.

V: Mmm and they're always big, and by big I mean kind of fat.

J: Except for the weird skinny tattooed ones. I think they might have hepatitis A.

V: That's a bit nasty Jaimie, I thought we decided they were nice people. Big burly men with hearts of gold.

J: Oh that's right! We did.

Let's dance!

David Bowie ( i can hear you all swooning)

Recently all of my reoccurring fantasies involve dancing. One moment i'm dreaming of sitting on a temperate Caribbean beach in a pretty, billowy white dress drinking mojitos (at sunset of course), when a tall, bronzed salsa God whisks me away to dance and twirl on cobblestone lanes. The next moment i'm a tiny prima ballerina with a giant Marc Jacobs style bow on my head, twirling my way across the stage into the arms of a man with incredibly large, ah.... tights. Maybe i'm going through a twirling phase, or maybe, like my beautiful rabbit Ophelia, my mind is embracing all things spring.

A man largely responsible for the enormous amount of twirling and (spring fantasising) i've been doing this weekend is Mr. David Bowie. Sometimes I have him singing Modern Love to me in an amazing tree house while i run around a backyard showing off my mad 80's dance skills*.

This video could be the greatest thing i've seen all freakin' year;




Bowie is this weeks dream boat. I love him. He even wrote a song about me. It's called Sorrow. It's about a girl with long blond hair and eyes so blue. He can't resist her, and that's totally fine, because i can't resist you either, my tree house singing dance machine. Though, like so many fine looking males, i love him but he'd make a terrible boyfriend.

Here are some of my favourite Bowie songs to dream to.
Warning: these songs may induce a tingling sensation in your pants.


MP3: Changes
MP3: Rebel Rebel
MP3: Sorrow
MP3: Ashes to Ashes
MP3: China Girl
MP3: Under Pressure



* This fantasy is in my top 5 favourite of all time.

Sunday, Sun Day

Hi gangsters,

What a beautiful weekend!

I've spent the last hour trying to find something cool to post about. I've got nothing. So instead i'm going to let you in on some (un)interesting facts;




1. Eric is my dream boat. Yes Eric, you may dominate me when ever you please.

.....

2. My house is pretty much filled with bugs.

.....

3. Everyone who is anyone has been in in CSI Miami. Nick believes it's part of the circuit of TV shows that people need to be in before coming famous (FYI, we do not condone this TV show).

.....

• 10361.) I'm scared there won't be another you.

• 10359.) I hate that it was so easy for you to put aside your feelings. I just wish that you'd follow your heart this time. Please don't be afraid.

• 10354.) I don't know who I am anymore, I have lost my grip on reality.

4. You know you are getting over things when you no longer identify with every secret on Blog Secret.

Ugh. Why are you still whinging?!

.....

5. Asian horror films are generally better than their American remakes.

.....

6. Everyone has already gone to see Ponyo and i am forced to see it dateless.

.....

6. Today was a great day for a picnic.

.....

7. Our bandwidth has massively failed, so no more songs (until i sort something new out... I have a plan).



I've been bogged down with assessment, hence my absence, but promise to be more present this week.

Have a good week chums.

xx

You! Me! Dancing!

Beer, sleep, dancing, dressing up; IT'S THE WEEKEND MOFO'S!!!

Is it just me or has this working week gone disturbingly fast?

Here's a list of weekendalicious songs for you to put on your dancing shoes to.

See you tonight, highly attractive people.


MP3: Glamorous- Fergie
MP3: We Share Our Mothers Health - The Knife
MP3: Ramalama - Roisin Murphy
MP3: No Sex For Ben - The Rapture
MP3: You! Me! Dancing! - Los Campesinos

Tuesday Treats

Bunnies in SPACE!!!

I've made two discoveries this week that have made me CRY with laughter.

The amazing video above was found via Lolbunnies, my new favourite website.



My other find was this amazing website; what Chuck wore. I can't even explain how great it is. If you're a Gossip Girl fan, check it out yo.

Enjoy, motherchuckers.

Winter; just say no!

I hate winter. Yuck. Yucky. OUCH! MY FINGERS ARE FROZEN! Why is there a hole in my sock? BECAUSE WINTER CRITTERS HAVE MADE IT THEIR HOME! Yuck, ouch, i hate winter.

Today it was still light at 5.45pm. I was so excited i started making a fun times summer play list which i imagine i will dance and sing and drink to all summer long. Mmm, hot stuff.

No playlist is ever complete without a number of hilarious, (un)related pictures. I love you summertime dancers!



Ahh, the old sexually ambiguous music person. I think i see boob... Suggestions? I think this photo can have my favourite summertime swooner Jens Lekman.

mp3: Jens Lekman: A Sweet Summers Night on Hammer Hill

Oh! Look at that grass go! I'm dreaming about summertime picnics, summertime crushes, summertime pimms with friends, and that sweet, sweet smell of the afternoon summertime breeze before a violent summertime storm. Mmm, delicious! As is this summertime gem. Play it at picnics on hot days or durring pretend summertime picnics inside.

mp3: Toquinho - Carolina Carol Bela (i found this song via the ever wonderful Motel De Moka)



Oh! What a fantastic summertime moon! According to this website (where the picture was taken from and gosh darn there are some lovely photo's there!), you can only see this sort of moon in the summertime. Not sure i believe that, but golly if it was summer it would be great to howl at!

Hhhhhhhhooooowwwweeeeelllllllllll! (i love Edward Cullen, not Jacob so much).

mp3: La Roux- Tigerlily (yes, i am still infatuated with their catchy, repetitive tunes).



Oh my god. Summer = nudity. Hells yeah! In my winter melancholy i almost forgot! Also, this summertime hottie is wearing a winter, sock eating critter as a hat.

Oh wait! She is startled! Why is she startled? AH! She's startled because she forgot how hot you look naked in summer. Mmmm.

I could do naughty things listening to this song, though only in summer...

mp3: Voxtrot - The Start of Something




Somewhere on an awesome street; it's summer...

Sister 1: Oh sis, i look so whack right now. Check it out; i'm doing the cheeky turkey!
Sister 2: Lady, shut up. Just shut up. My funky chicken kicks your cheeky turkey's arse.
Sister 1: Mmm, hmm. You ain't got no whistle, i've got a whistle, that's how cheeky my turkey is.
Sister 2: Oh biatch, don't go there.
Sister 1: Dude, you're sucking on a dummy.

This NEVER would have happened in winter.

mp3: Envelopes - Sister in Love


I would like to conclude this post with winter sucks, summer is awesome. Though, Vanessa did just remind me that i complain all summer about the heat. Well, to that i reply; WE SHALL SEE VANESSA, WE SHALL SEE!

xoxo

Karl

I have not embraced the Twitter phenomenon at all, but Karl Lagerfeld may just have changed my mind. His pearls of wisdom are hilarious and amazing.

Spend a few minutes reading this, you will not be disappointed.

Some pearls (for those of you who can't be bothered to click the link. I know, I'm one of those people.) ~

My dream? Transparent fur. The hair on plastic and not on leather. We’ve tried, but nobody has found it yet.

Florals are for middle-aged women with weight problems.

Believe it or not, I love rap.

Can't get enough Karl? Then you MUST read these.

My 2008 Favourite Dirty Pop Secret.

Much to my friends dismay, I am a dirty, dirty pop princess. I whore it up with hip-hop dance classes, I scream when a dirty pop secret comes on at a club, and roughly twice a year, I force my friends to come with me to Canberra's trashiest clubs and together we transform into top 40 trashbags.

This year I was blown out of the water by the revival of the queen of America's white trash. No dear readers, I'm not talking about Paris Hilton, I'm talking Princess Britney.

In 2007 when Vanessa, Julz and I saw Patrick Wolf cover 'Gimme More' at the Metro, i knew we'd be in for something special with this album. Patrick has his dear little fingers on the pulse of trashy-radness.

Britney Spears album 'Circus', has been chockablock full of catchy hit tunes. Between 'Gimme More', 'Womaniser' and now 'Circus', we've been force feed on a pop diet of blond hair and catchy synth riffs. Not to mention the fact she no longer looks like a whale and has either got herself a pretty funky wig or managed to grow back her hair.

Either way, Britney rocked it last year. And she is this pop-princesses favourite dirty pop secret.

Womanizer

Circus

Womanizer (Teenagers Remix)

Heh, awesome.

My 2008 Hate List

This past year, surprisingly, my hate list is made up of only one thing, one band. One god awful band that some how manages to eclipse all other things i've hated this year.

MGM- fucking-over-hyped-piece-of-shit- T.

Can you believe these are guys?

AGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Worst band ever? Probably not. But i just don't get why people like this band so fucking much! Is it because they think they're uber-alternative-trendy? No, no, it must be because these type of people like shit-boring melodies. I guess annoying vocals could be a selling point to some. No, it must be because they are the most spectacularly shit live band i've ever seen. I heard wankers like watching shit live music.

Talking about being amazingly shit live, did anyone at Meredith notice that as soon as MGMT started playing, the festival site was suddenly swamped by singlet wearing, beer drinking, shouty, pushy bogans? Eugh, worst. ever.

Well go on then! Vote for it in Triple J's hottest one hundred. Agghhhh!!!!!!!!!! I hate you!!!!!!!!!

You know what's even better? I'm probably going to get a whole heap of electro wankers telling me that my taste in music smells worse than a donkey's behind in summer. Well, bring it on. Bring it on.

An honerable mention, coming in a close second behind MGMT, goes to Soko. Man do i hate that french bitch.

Merry Christmas

I know we're a few days late, but better late then never i say. Look forward to some good old fashioned end of year posts over the next few days. 

Hope you've all gained at least 5kgs and that Santa spoilt you as much as he did me.

xoxo

Fat Man in Boat, Arty?

It's hot and i'd be lying if i said any of the people here look like this.

Love from, Jaimie and Vanessa.

(From Ko Sam Sam, Thailand.)

PS- We'll be back, and we promise not to post about the weather.

The Sugar Oaks

In very exciting news, we at Number One Millionaire have received our first ever promo e-mail from a real band, who, though they didn't explicitly say it, obviously want us to post some of their material on our fabulous blog. It's called free advertising. Blogs are, like, so influential now, you know. I'm sure that in a few months when we are, like, the next Hipster Runnoff and my inbox is constantly clogged with e-mails from "Upcoming Bandz" I'll rue this day. But since none of that has happened yet, I am somewhat excited, and I'll admit it, a little bit flattered too.

Now, while I don't really dig these "Sugar Oaks", as they like to call themselves, I thought I'd post some of their stuff anyway, to mark what is a Number One Millionaire landmark of sorts.
Also, I just wanna send the message out that if you are in a band, or make art, or write poetry, or take photos, or have noticed an upcoming youth craze that you want us to post, just e-mail one of us and we might just pop your stuff up. We do love e-mails.

So anyway, The Sugar Oaks are from Orlando, Florida, and describe their sound as "Indie R&B". They've supported such acts as Elf Power and Of Montreal and have a new single called No One Can Love You Like Me (oooh, original!) coming out on the 20th of June. Apparently it will have hand silk screenprinted covers (!). Actually, that fact alone has nearly won me over. I mean, in these days of digital music downloading, who actually buys albums for any reason other than fancy artwork anyway? I know I don't.

Now for a brief semiotic analysis of the band's press photo (click for a larger view):


They're obviously trying to communicate something here about both the band's 'brand' and their musical style. By sitting in long, green grass they're telling us "we like to make lush, organic sounding indie-music, and don't take ourselves too seriously. We hang out and have fun, semi-hippie times sometimes, just like you guys, you know? We're also really good friends, and care a lot about nature." The black background, however, suggests "but we're not all about sunshine and butterflies either, we're a bit dark and moodly sometimes. Our lyrics are deep and penetrative. They're about real, important, existential issues. Like lesbian love, or when you realise that no one can love your gf like you can love your gf."

They've also tried to express that the guy in the middle is the lead singer by making him hold stuff. I mean, he's holding both a cup of tea and a dog which expresses both his down to earth wholesome fun-ness, and the fact that he wears the pants. No one else is holding anything! I bet he's a bit of a control freak and the band all secretly hate him. The two guys to his right are even laughing about him right now: "Oh, fuckin' Jeff, why does he always get to do all the holdin'?" they're saying "we wanna hold stuff too!". There is also a token good looking bearded but not too beareded guy (which every indie band needs) who may or may not be on drugs, and a hot but wholesome looking girl who probably only plays the tambourine, or other quirkly "indie" instruments like the glockenspiel or the viola.

On second thoughts, my detective skills have just detected that on the website the line up only mentions the four guys. So maybe she isn't in the band at all. Maybe she's just the manager, or stylist, or manager's stylist's girlfriend and they just put her in the photo for aesthetic, semiotic reasons, which is why she looks just a tiny bit awkward. Facinating...

Unfortunately I've been having issues with my file hosting bandwidth...but if you still wanna hear their stuff (after I've spoken so highly of them), then I'm sure a quick hype machine search will bear fruitful results.

Womesticles.

So you're out and about in the busy metropolis that is where you live (unfortunately for me that is Canberra). You're about to meet a friend for some type of caffeinated beverage when you are suddenly stopped dead in your tracks. Crossing the road directly in front of you is a guy that is so ugly he somehow manages to move last night's chicken lasagna from your stomach to your mouth in one terrifying lurch. Then it hits you, that guy totally looks like an old lesbian.

If you've had an experience like this before, you're obviously not alone. My brilliant house-mate Nathan came across the million dollar blog find, 'Men who look like old lesbians'. But as Nathan informs me, they're probably not that ugly, they've just never really been loved. So there you have it, if you're not loved you're going to end up looking like an old, ugly, lesbian.

Since this post opens a whole case of un-P.C whoop ass, i feel like i should probably let you all know that i'm usually a quite an unprejudiced person. No, that's a lie. I think these guys are douche-bags*.

* I couln't live with myself leaving the last word of my post as the most vile 'C' word of the english language. Yes, i am soft.