I've just turned 25. Screw new year resolutions and celebrations, I'm all about personal new years and life anniversaries. In my opinion, people aren't good at celebrating birthdays. We give presents, usually eat food and that's about it (not that I'm against these things). It's my belief that birthdays should be a time to reflect on what you've experienced, what you've achieved and what you've failed; what's gone into making the version of yourself you are on this particular day.
When I was a teenager each year on my birthday I would write a letter to my future self. The letters were usually filled with dreams, desires to be with whomever the cute boy I had a crush on at that time was, and hopes that on my birthday next year I would be a happier more confident version of myself. I guess some things never change.
I've had a big year. I wrote a thesis, I painfully fell out of love, I changed jobs, I moved home, I had surgery, I experienced confusion like I never had before, I learnt how to keep secrets, and I missed my ex-boyfriends. A lot. It's generally been pretty rough.
I had a wonderful talk to my grandmother tonight. We mused on potential life choices and the end of my recent relationship. She wisely reminded me that things happen for a reason, and that life is good provided you're able to find joy in what you're doing. She described wild tales of her debaucherous youth and her tendency to run from cute boys when they started to get serious. After her stories she set me straight, she said, "Jaimie, you'll find the right one and you'll stop running. You will just know and it will be everything you've ever wanted and never realised". She's been married to my grandfather for 54 years.
I guess you could say I'm pretty lost at the moment, though her kind words reminded me that as long as I'm enjoying what I can about my situation and where I'm at with life, I am still able to grow.
I fucked a lot of things up this year. But all my fuck ups, all my confusion, all my fear and all my joy has lead me to be who I am now and that's kind of worth celebrating.
So yeah, birthday's are kind of a big deal to me. I really hope they are to you too. If they're not, do me a favour and reflect on why you are awesome and what lead you to be as awesome as you are. Because you are amazing. Even if it's only because you've read to the end of this post.